My problem is not unique. I’m thinking of it, but should I get another baby? I’m sure like you and me, many other women out there are wondering the same, hence why my dilemma is not unique. So, before I make my decision, I’m going to run through every scenario possible and see if it will help me get perspective. Take this journey with me, and maybe you will also have a decision. Let’s go!
What Do My Kids Think?
My firstborn is not thrilled. She will likely help me take care of her siblings, but she’s a free bird and a pre-teen. So, obviously, she doesn’t like the added responsibilities. However, she thinks babies are cute and would not mind cooing over them.
Her sister, on the other hand, is thrilled. She can’t wait to have a sibling, specifically a brother. But, if it’s a girl, she wants none of it. Why? She already has a sister. So why would she want another one, right? So her condition is that it has to be a brother.
My husband and I are somewhere in the middle. We would not mind another kid, but we have reservations.
Let’s Talk Money
We are not broke, but let’s be honest, life is becoming more expensive, and you have to work much harder to give your kids a ‘good’ life. We may have to work longer hours, so we won’t spend as much time with the kids as we would like.
Secondly, expanding our business will also come with added pressure before we are at a place where we can delegate most things. We don’t know how long it will take to get to this point, and we don’t want the kids to ‘pay’ for it. You know?
Age, Should We Get Kids This Late?
When I was younger, I always wanted to have all my kids before 30. This way, I could focus on my career after I was done with the hardest part of parenting. Which, for me, is when kids are younger.
I’m in my mid-thirties, and I have terrible baby fever. I’m 34, meaning I’ll give birth at 35. By the time I hit 40, my youngest will be 5 years. This wasn’t the plan.
In fact, my plan for my 40s is to travel the world, just my husband and me, because we married early and had kids immediately. So it’s supposed to be my time to compensate for lost dating time and romantic get-aways.
Doesn’t a 5-year-old mess that up? I can’t just walk away and leave them at home, right? Don’t get me wrong, we do travel, but we never go too far because I like being close to the kids.40s is supposed to be my time to travel.
I plan on taking the girls with me sometimes, but I primarily want to travel with my husband. By the way, when I hit 40, my eldest will be 18, and her sister 11. They can easily keep each other company, and they will be fine. Now, factor in a 5-year-old. See my predicament?
I know what all black and Asian parents are thinking, but no. My kids are my responsibility, not my first borns responsibility. She will help out, but I can’t damp kids on her. She will have her life to live and will probably want to spend time with friends and write college papers.
Kids Are Cute, but They Are a Lot of Work
Instagram makes it seem like having a kid means having funny moments and cute, perfect images and videos. But let’s be honest, it takes work. Think of sleepless nights during the first few months, colicky nights, dirty diapers, and all the emotional turmoil you must endure before you are finally in a good place.
We are not sure if we are ready for a third round. Our second born is 5, and her older sister is 11.
I had my second born through C-section. I was hysterical when the doctor told me I had to get a c-section, so they decided it was best to put me under. Probably the best option, but it wasn’t pretty. I woke up in the middle of the operation and told the doctors I was in too much pain and that they needed to help me. I remember thinking I wouldn’t leave my kids so someone else could raise them. I wasn’t ready to die on that table.
Getting pregnant means, I may have to go through another C-section. I’m scared shitless, and so is my husband. Honestly, I think he is more paranoid than I am.
That’s not all. After my C-section, I spent weeks in bed, in pain and alone because my husband and friends had to work. I couldn’t work at the time and couldn’t even take good care of my kid. I don’t want this kind of experience again.
I have friends who had it easier after their C-section, but at the time, I could not afford the kind of hospitals they went to. Thus, my ordeal. I can afford it now, but I’m still skeptical from my experience.
Remember when I said I wanted to raise kids before 30 and then focus on my career? Well, I did that with my first born and partly with my second born. In fact, I started freelance writing professionally when I turned 30.
Right now, my career is my main focus. I barely have time for anything else, and maybe getting another kid will slow this part of me down. I like money, and I know money likes me too. I like earning it, interacting with my clients, and writing content for them.
How will pregnancy and having a small baby change this? Can I make plans, so my income and client base aren’t affected as much? This is the golden question that I have no answer to yet.
I already have two girls, so, naturally, I want a boy. However, the baby’s gender is not a guarantee. It may end up being another girl, and I know I will surely be disappointed if it is. Of course, I will eventually accept it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be disappointed.
I’ve heard of ways to ensure you get whatever gender you want, but do they even work? Also, I don’t want to force issues. Whether I am disappointed or not, this baby will be my blood. I will love it regardless.
So, Should I Get Another Baby?
Frankly, despite all these reservations, I have realized a few things:
I Do Want to Have Another Kid
I recently went on a trip with my husband’s siblings. We had a lot of fun which got me thinking, how will my two girls have this kind of fun without numbers? Maybe numbers aren’t so bad. I know it’s not a guarantee they will get along, but I want to believe they will.
Life Isn’t Stagnant
Going by how things are right now, I’m likely to make more money if I continue doing what I’m doing and keeping up with the time. Making more money is about serving more people and offering real value. Something I believe our company does. Besides, I can currently afford to have another kid.
Siblings Will Help Out
I know my firstborn isn’t as enthusiastic as the secondborn about siblings. But I know she will step up and help babysit when I ask her to because she is the most responsible person I know. Besides, by the time I hit 40, she will be 18 and her sister 11. They can easily help with their 5-year-old sibling. By my standards, a 5-year-old can do a lot.
Listening to My Intuition
This may sound cheesy, but deep down, I feel I should get a third baby. I believe in fate, and I feel it’s time to close the chapter with a small bundle of joy. The universe is giving me the green light, even after I swore not to get another kid.
Seriously, they do. The first three months may be hard, but things get better. Time flies so fast you won’t realize how fast your little one becomes a little adult. My youngest doesn’t come to my room first thing in the morning anymore. She is now becoming a little miss independent who can handle herself and do most things alone. It has taken five years, but it seems like yesterday.
I can’t help you decide whether you should get another baby or not, but with the way things are looking, I will probably get one. If your conditions look close to or better than mine, maybe it’s time to get a baby. If you are still on the fence, then listen to your intuition. If things are a little bleak, then maybe you should hold on for now and improve things before you commit to another kid. Either way, you will be fine, and so will I.
What’s your situation? Do you think you will get another baby or wait a while? I’d love to hear your thoughts.